Ambiguously Olive

altruism

I feel bad. A friend of a friend of a friend is doing this experimental math science homeless hobo tour, which basically involves bumming around the country, crashing programming language theory seminars, and couch surfing. This essentially entails living outside the system, while relying on the kindness of strangers for subsistence and shelter. I guess this is a very old-school Buddhist way of life. And by old-school Buddhist, I'm talking about Mr. Gautama Buddha himself. And a bit cyberpunk, at the same time. Old School Cyber Buddhism?

Anyway, I was confronted with a situation where I became the aforementioned stranger whose kindness was sought. Which I would, in all honesty, have given out freely, had it not been for the fact that we are dealing with some incredibly hard times with respect to the pregnancy. I am thus unable to offer my couch to the experimental hobo programmer, out of respect and consideration for my partner. Which all seems very reasonable, since e.h.p. has obviously dealt with this type of situation numerous times, and has probably expected to deal with this "no available couch" scenario in his life as a vagabond. But I still feel bad!

I suppose feeling bad is a sign that I haven't completely lost my soul. I would still love to support his choice to create, what amounts to, a zero-footprint lifestyle. But I can't - not right now. Too much else to deal with. Sorry man - I hope you understand.

There is one interesting sociological phenomenon that I noticed though. I really do like the idea of building relationships and creating communities where people support each other. But for me, the relationship building part generally has to happen first. I don't feel very comfortable asking for support until I have established some kind of personal connection. Maybe this is just a function of my introversion, or worse, priviledge. In, any case, there is an interesting paradigm reversal in his approach where he appears to seek the support first, and then hopes to use it as a starting point to build the relationship.

posted by shreddd @ 5:54 PM